Parenting to Reduce School Anxiety

                                       

                                   

Parenting to Reduce School Anxiety

Preparation prevents reactivity in any situation, so in order to discourage anticipatory anxiety lets get prepared. Leave dialogue open for questions with your child, there are no dumb questions or concerns. Don't be afraid to have conversations with your child, walk them through processes. What are their biggest fears about the new school year? Don't minimize or jump to fix, process the way they are thinking and feeling with them and then move towards offering suggestions. As parents, we often want to fix our children’s problems, but long term the results will be much greater to help them develop the tools to solve their own problems.

·      Use examples from your own life that can help them to know that you were there and you had concerns as well.

·      Start envisioning what success is and pathways to creating that vision. Create this vision with your child, maybe your vision and theirs is not the same so take time to work on it together. The amount of say so that your child has is relative to their age , as they get older give them more voice.  

·      Preparation not pressure- perceived or real doesn't make a difference but most kids who struggle with anxiety suffer from perceived pressure to perform from their parents.

So it is important to begin to distinguish between the 2, by helping the child prepare and then be emotionally supportive by addressing possible struggles before they happen. This may seem like it takes time on the front side but it is well worth it. Their feedback is fundamental to having a working dialogue versus the child accumulating more pressure to perform.

·      Even with planning things don’t always work out. Sometimes Parents believe that if they offer their kids all the information then it should forgo any complications but that just doesn’t hold up. So its how we deal with the setbacks not if they occur.

·      What is your child really saying? Or what are they really asking for? Often children struggle to communicate clearly what they need from us, so what we think and what they are saying that they need maybe all wrong. Take time to pay attention to the clues and step back. When we rush to fix we often miss the forest for the trees. As people we know that in life things don’t always go as planned, so let's help to defuse the frustration by having realistic expectations for ourselves and our children.

These tips can be used in collaboration with Anxiety Resolver the Smartphone app, you can do it with your child to help them develop awareness and healthy coping skills early in life. Its never to early to start teaching children emotional intelligence and great communication skills to help increase the likelihood of healthy developmental formation. 

For more information go to anxietyresolverapp.com or https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/anxiety-resolver/id777678167?mt=8

For questions of comments send emails to: recoveringhopeproject@gmail.com

Am I Anxiety?

AM I ANXIETY?

I think anxiety therefore I am anxiety. This would be a logical conclusion based upon philosophy of Rene Descartes this is part of the problem when it comes to Anxiety.  If we are defined by the culmination of our thoughts and those thoughts are characterized by anxiety does that not mean that we begin to become just that? I know that sounds ridiculous but for anyone that has experienced anxiety- it doesn’t at times feel very far from the truth.  The arenas where we spend our thoughts, energy, and time come to define us. So in order for us to overcome anxiety we must decrease the amount of energy that anxiety gets in our lives so we make intentional steps towards putting our energies towards positive and fruitful ventures that we would like to be defined by. This comes in all types of forms whether that be faith, friendships, relationships, exercise, music, writing, fill in your blank.  How and what do you want to be defined by, I think about how anxiety can remove the role of husband, mother, father, etc if given the power so we must take intentional steps towards planning our energies in the direction of our choosing. Good Luck!

Visit anxietyresolverapp.com or you can purchase Anxietyresolver the smartphone app by following this link httpd://itunes.apple.com/us/app/anxiety-resolver/id777678167?mt=8

Observer-Reporter | Let’s talk about mental health

Observer-Reporter | Let’s talk about mental health

How do my beliefs effect my Anxiety?

In order to understand ourselves we must analyze what we believe about ourselves and the world around us. Do I believe the world to be a typically safe place or do I believe that safety is an illusion that is just waiting to be broken? How about the beliefs about myself and my ability to manage distress do I believe that I am going to fall under the pressure or that I can overcome difficulties? Beliefs by definition are something deeper than physical or psychological phenomenon, they are part of who we are? Where are these beliefs formed about the nature of ourselves and the world around us? Typically these beliefs happen throughout our childhood where the experiences that we have, leave a template for which the world is viewed. This template is not set in stone unless we allow it to be and continue to center our lives through it. What do you believe about yourself and the world around you?  So if I believe the world to be a threatening place then I will notice and address the evidence to that point. We have a tremendous amount of information to sort through on a daily basis so how does all of this information relate to our beliefs our fears? As children we are left to make decisions with limited information, experience, and awareness so if this is where these beliefs were formulated then it would seem a great exercise to re-evaluate some of the beliefs that you have about yourself and see if they are true for you today or whether that template is used because you have based so much upon it. When you were a child it may have made perfect sense and served a purpose, but does it work for you today?  


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Emotions are Good

Anxiety is not an emotion, but it sure can feel like one. Anxiety is a state of being not a defining characteristic, except in the same way one describes themselves as having hypertension or heartburn. Anxiety is very easy to confuse with emotions, the problem is that when people start to experience anxiety on a daily basis almost everything gets seen through a lens of anxiety and worry. Therefore emotions that are true to the individual and life become something else- interpreted as anxiety. This after years can then become depression- but there is Hope. Beginning to discern emotion from anxiety takes practice but it allows for much of the fuel to be removed from the power of anxiety. The trick is that emotions that are being channeled into anxiety are the type that most people are enthusiastic about dealing with- hurtful and hard. Sometimes anxiety unconsciously is abetter alternative to emotions that can give a feeling of being out of control. Learn how to begin to address your emotions today in healthy ways so as to reduce the control that anxiety has over your life. You will still be productive and much more satisfied with the many things that you accomplish.

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Avoidance fuels anxiety

No one wants Anxiety, so it is our human nature to avoid it. Maybe if I don't look, it will disappear. I remember when I used to think I could avoid my anxiety(ha,ha), thinking that I could neglect my psychological, emotional, and physical needs and think that somehow the anxiety would just not appear. This pattern perpetuated my distress and it catalyzed anxiety because I was ill prepared. You know like when you were in school and the teacher would give a pop quiz.  Then that sinking feeling would come over, knowing you had not read the assignment. Anxiety for most people is not going to suddenly stop happening, so there are preparations that must be made each and everyday. Some days will be worse than others, some days may pass without any- but those days of struggle are hard to remove from our memories. It is fundamental that we treat days similarly despite the incident of anxiety, must take care of ourselves each and every day. 

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Learning to live without anxiety is like anything where we have to submit to the insecurity for greater gain. Do you remember the thoughts that crossed your mind as you were challenging yourself to do something you had never done before? When you are getting on that bike day after day thinking I don't want to do this because I am already bandaged and bruised from the day before, yet you push through because you have a drive that is greater than the fear. Hopefully that example works for you if not try to think of something that you have done where you had doubt and fear that could have immobilized you but it didn't stop you. Part of overcoming anxiety and the debilitating effects of it are to not giving nurturance to the specific negativistic thoughts that cross your mind, but looking to the greater purpose of things. Do you nurture your doubtful thoughts or do you face them and move through them just as you got on that bike or the back of that horse. Anxiety can be the desire for control that really gives a feeling of being out of control- so work on giving up control for the moment for the greater purpose of getting a sense of control over your life and gaining a sense of satisfaction in your life.