Make Yourself a Priority

Make Yourself a Priority

When was the last time you felt that you were in charge of your stress? For many people it has been too long and there is a sense that it was just a brief window of respite before the chaos returned. Think about that window what are the characteristics of that time for you? Do you believe that you can recapture that sense today/ You maybe thinking immediately about your to do list and how this includes the tremendous needs of others with whom you feel responsible for.  So where do you begin to get a sense of manageability.  Typically people say well after I take care of everything on my list then maybe I can then get some peace. Well for many that list is infinite it keeps growing amazingly, despite the efforts to complete it doesn’t stop. Sound familiar? Today I suggest that you make yourself a priority! Do you know that cock-eyed look that dogs give you when you say something they cannot understand, that is often the response that those hard working people give when the suggestion is given to make themselves a priority. I am well aware that people change in a process so maybe it is more reasonable to ask for you to move yourself up the list- maybe not the top yet.  Do this then pay attention to how your sense manageability increases. Anxiety Resolver can prompt you to your own needs  use it to make yourself a priority today.  

Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.”

Matthew 19:26 

Parenting to Reduce School Anxiety

                                       

                                   

Parenting to Reduce School Anxiety

Preparation prevents reactivity in any situation, so in order to discourage anticipatory anxiety lets get prepared. Leave dialogue open for questions with your child, there are no dumb questions or concerns. Don't be afraid to have conversations with your child, walk them through processes. What are their biggest fears about the new school year? Don't minimize or jump to fix, process the way they are thinking and feeling with them and then move towards offering suggestions. As parents, we often want to fix our children’s problems, but long term the results will be much greater to help them develop the tools to solve their own problems.

·      Use examples from your own life that can help them to know that you were there and you had concerns as well.

·      Start envisioning what success is and pathways to creating that vision. Create this vision with your child, maybe your vision and theirs is not the same so take time to work on it together. The amount of say so that your child has is relative to their age , as they get older give them more voice.  

·      Preparation not pressure- perceived or real doesn't make a difference but most kids who struggle with anxiety suffer from perceived pressure to perform from their parents.

So it is important to begin to distinguish between the 2, by helping the child prepare and then be emotionally supportive by addressing possible struggles before they happen. This may seem like it takes time on the front side but it is well worth it. Their feedback is fundamental to having a working dialogue versus the child accumulating more pressure to perform.

·      Even with planning things don’t always work out. Sometimes Parents believe that if they offer their kids all the information then it should forgo any complications but that just doesn’t hold up. So its how we deal with the setbacks not if they occur.

·      What is your child really saying? Or what are they really asking for? Often children struggle to communicate clearly what they need from us, so what we think and what they are saying that they need maybe all wrong. Take time to pay attention to the clues and step back. When we rush to fix we often miss the forest for the trees. As people we know that in life things don’t always go as planned, so let's help to defuse the frustration by having realistic expectations for ourselves and our children.

These tips can be used in collaboration with Anxiety Resolver the Smartphone app, you can do it with your child to help them develop awareness and healthy coping skills early in life. Its never to early to start teaching children emotional intelligence and great communication skills to help increase the likelihood of healthy developmental formation. 

For more information go to anxietyresolverapp.com or https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/anxiety-resolver/id777678167?mt=8

For questions of comments send emails to: recoveringhopeproject@gmail.com

Am I Anxiety?

AM I ANXIETY?

I think anxiety therefore I am anxiety. This would be a logical conclusion based upon philosophy of Rene Descartes this is part of the problem when it comes to Anxiety.  If we are defined by the culmination of our thoughts and those thoughts are characterized by anxiety does that not mean that we begin to become just that? I know that sounds ridiculous but for anyone that has experienced anxiety- it doesn’t at times feel very far from the truth.  The arenas where we spend our thoughts, energy, and time come to define us. So in order for us to overcome anxiety we must decrease the amount of energy that anxiety gets in our lives so we make intentional steps towards putting our energies towards positive and fruitful ventures that we would like to be defined by. This comes in all types of forms whether that be faith, friendships, relationships, exercise, music, writing, fill in your blank.  How and what do you want to be defined by, I think about how anxiety can remove the role of husband, mother, father, etc if given the power so we must take intentional steps towards planning our energies in the direction of our choosing. Good Luck!

Visit anxietyresolverapp.com or you can purchase Anxietyresolver the smartphone app by following this link httpd://itunes.apple.com/us/app/anxiety-resolver/id777678167?mt=8

Observer-Reporter | Let’s talk about mental health

Observer-Reporter | Let’s talk about mental health

How do my beliefs effect my Anxiety?

In order to understand ourselves we must analyze what we believe about ourselves and the world around us. Do I believe the world to be a typically safe place or do I believe that safety is an illusion that is just waiting to be broken? How about the beliefs about myself and my ability to manage distress do I believe that I am going to fall under the pressure or that I can overcome difficulties? Beliefs by definition are something deeper than physical or psychological phenomenon, they are part of who we are? Where are these beliefs formed about the nature of ourselves and the world around us? Typically these beliefs happen throughout our childhood where the experiences that we have, leave a template for which the world is viewed. This template is not set in stone unless we allow it to be and continue to center our lives through it. What do you believe about yourself and the world around you?  So if I believe the world to be a threatening place then I will notice and address the evidence to that point. We have a tremendous amount of information to sort through on a daily basis so how does all of this information relate to our beliefs our fears? As children we are left to make decisions with limited information, experience, and awareness so if this is where these beliefs were formulated then it would seem a great exercise to re-evaluate some of the beliefs that you have about yourself and see if they are true for you today or whether that template is used because you have based so much upon it. When you were a child it may have made perfect sense and served a purpose, but does it work for you today?  


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Emotions are Good

Anxiety is not an emotion, but it sure can feel like one. Anxiety is a state of being not a defining characteristic, except in the same way one describes themselves as having hypertension or heartburn. Anxiety is very easy to confuse with emotions, the problem is that when people start to experience anxiety on a daily basis almost everything gets seen through a lens of anxiety and worry. Therefore emotions that are true to the individual and life become something else- interpreted as anxiety. This after years can then become depression- but there is Hope. Beginning to discern emotion from anxiety takes practice but it allows for much of the fuel to be removed from the power of anxiety. The trick is that emotions that are being channeled into anxiety are the type that most people are enthusiastic about dealing with- hurtful and hard. Sometimes anxiety unconsciously is abetter alternative to emotions that can give a feeling of being out of control. Learn how to begin to address your emotions today in healthy ways so as to reduce the control that anxiety has over your life. You will still be productive and much more satisfied with the many things that you accomplish.

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Avoidance fuels anxiety

No one wants Anxiety, so it is our human nature to avoid it. Maybe if I don't look, it will disappear. I remember when I used to think I could avoid my anxiety(ha,ha), thinking that I could neglect my psychological, emotional, and physical needs and think that somehow the anxiety would just not appear. This pattern perpetuated my distress and it catalyzed anxiety because I was ill prepared. You know like when you were in school and the teacher would give a pop quiz.  Then that sinking feeling would come over, knowing you had not read the assignment. Anxiety for most people is not going to suddenly stop happening, so there are preparations that must be made each and everyday. Some days will be worse than others, some days may pass without any- but those days of struggle are hard to remove from our memories. It is fundamental that we treat days similarly despite the incident of anxiety, must take care of ourselves each and every day. 

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Learning to live without anxiety is like anything where we have to submit to the insecurity for greater gain. Do you remember the thoughts that crossed your mind as you were challenging yourself to do something you had never done before? When you are getting on that bike day after day thinking I don't want to do this because I am already bandaged and bruised from the day before, yet you push through because you have a drive that is greater than the fear. Hopefully that example works for you if not try to think of something that you have done where you had doubt and fear that could have immobilized you but it didn't stop you. Part of overcoming anxiety and the debilitating effects of it are to not giving nurturance to the specific negativistic thoughts that cross your mind, but looking to the greater purpose of things. Do you nurture your doubtful thoughts or do you face them and move through them just as you got on that bike or the back of that horse. Anxiety can be the desire for control that really gives a feeling of being out of control- so work on giving up control for the moment for the greater purpose of getting a sense of control over your life and gaining a sense of satisfaction in your life.

In what ways does anxiety effect your life?

As you begin to address the effect that anxiety/stress have over your life, I encourage you to start by listing different arenas of your life and how they are effected.

For instance

Family

Friendships

Health

Work

Spirituality

Then clarify the ways that stress and anxiety effect those different arenas of your life. For instance

Family- I no longer go to many of son's soccer games because the stress is too great.
Health- I have acid reflux that is contributed by my stress.
Friendships- I am embarrassed by somethings and I can't face it therefore. I don't call my friend anymore.
Work- I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop as if everything I do is wrong.
Spirituality- I am unable to feel a sense of connection and peace in my life.

This is not a way of putting salt in the wound but as a way of taking an honest inventory of yourself. Then lets begin to work on recapturing some of the aspects of life that you feel are compromised or lost as a result of stress and anxiety. When anxiety and stress are at there worst there are very few pockets of refuge but as we get better those pockets multiply. So it is important to see where we are and take a snapshot so we can see progress as it happens. Anxiety Resolver the smartphone app is designed to help point you towards assessing and identifying improvements along the way. Feelings are often difficult to assess they are not logical by nature so if that is your measuring stick we are setting ourselves up to miss some of the improvements that maybe happening, but it is fundamental to look at everything. Paying attention to ourselves assessing where we are at and then doing more work to continue to break the patterns. So make a list which you could do and then monitor in the journal section of the Anxiety Resolver app or just in a journal of your own. Stop yourself in the midst of these patterns of behavior or interaction and try to identify something that you can do different. For Instance

Family- I could get some exercise because that helps me to feel less anxious and then call my friend who i know goes to all the games and sit with them.
Health- I can learn to journal about all of my anxieties develop new ways of working through anxiety instead of accumulating it and then allowing it to take a toll on my health.
Friendships- Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill? Often anxiety causes us to make things worse than they are and we view ourselves and situations in a critical way. It would be important to start a conversation with the friend that you have been avoiding, possibly wading into the waters with a message on facebook or a text.
Work- I must list all of the things that I have accomplished in each given day or week, work is constantly moving so I have to make sure to give myself credit where credit is do.
Spirituality- Stepping back from everything in life is an important step so I have to find a pocket or set time aside to not thing about everything that I have to do- possibly starting with listening to relaxing music on Anxiety Resolver, or looking at pictures of my family.

None of these are the solution but momentum is important even if it comes in small successes. Anxiety makes everything seem the same, but its not so seeing stressors in different ways and beginning to problem solve will break Anxiety down and help you to resolve your anxiety.

Second Tutorial on "how to use Anxiety Resolver" coming this week

visit  anxietyresolverapp.com

Anxiety Resolver by Recovering Hope Project, LLC.

https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/anxiety-resolver/id777678167?mt=8

Local social worker creates 'Anxiety Resolver' app - Local News - Herald-Standard

Local social worker creates 'Anxiety Resolver' app - Local News - Herald-Standard

How Flappy Birds can help with anxiety!

I was introduced a couple of weeks ago by my son to Flappy Birds, typically I can set games aside. But with Flappy Birds I was instantly hooked and I knew it. I get frustrated as to how this seemingly easy game was proving me wrong over and over again. So I have to seen through my time playing parallels to life and the management of anxiety.

1. That perception is very important, sometimes we perceive things as being easier than they are and other times more difficult. In the case of flappy birds I underestimated the complexity of the game therefore thinking that it must be something wrong with me. Fortunately this is just a game that I can turn off- ha ha, but in other aspects of life it's not that easy. But sometimes we psych ourselves out by believing that things are more difficult than they are.

2. You have to focus on you first, not what's ahead. I failed miserably focusing on how to get over the next obstacle, over and over again trying to fit myself through that seemingly large space.

3. That sometimes wanting to break my record even though I am only on the second tube, brings me to messing it up and dying. My anxiety is "gotta break my record" "gotta get to my record and beyond", "gotta catchup with the kid's records". These thoughts get me no where because they prevent we from focusing on the right now and what I am capable of doing in the present. So I have learned to modify by seeing progress in groups of 10. Manageable and measurable steps.

4. That  if you allow the ups and downs to control you that you are more likely to fail. But if you just focus  maintaining a comfortable pace within yourself that you will succeed in managing anxiety.

Here are a couple of thoughts about how we successfully manage anxiety, if you would like more idea check out

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Anxiety Resolver by Recovering Hope Project, LLC

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