Tuesday, May 5, 2015

How To Manage Conflict? - Stick to the Specifics!

Many people struggle with managing conflict constructively, does this happen to be you. On some level or in some situations I believe it pertains to all of us. What is the fear? Well it's because all conflict is tainted with an accumulation of our past, how many of you have a healthy template for how to manage conflict? We begin to generalize our handling of previous situations as well as our perception of the patterned response of the other person. This is why it is significantly more difficult with family members and bosses. Here are 5 ways to prepare yourself for successful management if diffult situations.

1. What Is The Issue, Today?or maybe yesterday that needs to be discussed. Write down initially what you want to say and then weed out the parts of the discussion that pertain to the past or previous issues.

2. Stick With The Script - if the conversation begins to tail off either by your accord or the other person . Refocus and say if you want to talk about a separate issue could we set up a separate time to do so- this will give you an opportunity to prepare your thoughts and create another script.

3. What Are You Responsible For? Rember that you are responsible for your words not the words of the other person. Recogonize what you did correctly or what you had intended even if the other person doesn't respond the way that you would like.

4. Be As Specific As Possible..Don't assume that they knew what they did or that they did it intentionally. 

5. What About My Feelings?If you need to address your feelings about the situation begin with using the I statements- I felt, I heard you to say, I may have misunderstood. Also sit down and identify, explore your feelings related to the person and work towards the specific issues today. 

Conflict can be mad constructive, when it is about opportunities to communicate!


Wednesday, March 25, 2015

How to create a path to your destination!


There are so many choices that we make throughout our day, seemingly so why do we often get a sense that we have little to no determination over our lives. One would assume that in a world where we have so many choices at our finger tips that we would derive from it a sense of mastery or direction?

I do not like GPS, I am not a big fan of being told by anyone what to do much less a voice that is generated through an electronic current. So often I will force my will on traffic patterns meaning that avoid them and i go the ways that i am aware of or instinctly appear correct. All of this to the dismay of my wife who does not enjoy my antics. As I look as the way I handle traffic I can derive a couple of things one is that I avoid conflict, you say how? Well I would rather take the long way and add to my trip than to sit in traffic and be faced with an inability to control the situation. The other point that I derive is that I would rather do what I know than to ask for help, so then the paths I choose fall primarily upon what I know.

As you look at your life, how many thing do you because of habit? Are you satisfied with where you end the day? We make so many choices out of habit and comfort, yet we so often feel that our choices do not make an appreciable improvement in our lives. This sense is because the appearance of choice we typically do what is comfortable which leads us back to the same destination in our lives. The process of changing our habits is very difficult, we developed many of our habits out of cause and effect and they worked at the time to give us a sense of control
and direction. As we look at life and how it and we change, we must understand that the tools of improvement and satisfaction of yesterday maybe more destructive than productive at this time. In my field we talk about praxis which is more or less a feed back cycle so with our world and choices that we make we must be in process of assessment and reassessment of the way we manage our lives, mental health, relationships, and time. The only way that we are going to end up at a destination that offers us a sense of fullfillment is to identify the choices that we make daily that may lead me to the place more closely resembles the place I want to be.

Creating a path different than you are accustomed too is going to take awareness and intentionality, so be prepared. The change may include time management, the way that you think, the patterns of interaction with people around you, and the management of emotional expression.

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