How To Manage Conflict? - Stick to the Specifics!

Many people struggle with managing conflict constructively, does this happen to be you. On some level or in some situations I believe it pertains to all of us. What is the fear? Well it's because all conflict is tainted with an accumulation of our past, how many of you have a healthy template for how to manage conflict? We begin to generalize our handling of previous situations as well as our perception of the patterned response of the other person. This is why it is significantly more difficult with family members and bosses. Here are 5 ways to prepare yourself for successful management if diffult situations.

1. What Is The Issue, Today?or maybe yesterday that needs to be discussed. Write down initially what you want to say and then weed out the parts of the discussion that pertain to the past or previous issues.

2. Stick With The Script - if the conversation begins to tail off either by your accord or the other person . Refocus and say if you want to talk about a separate issue could we set up a separate time to do so- this will give you an opportunity to prepare your thoughts and create another script.

3. What Are You Responsible For? Rember that you are responsible for your words not the words of the other person. Recogonize what you did correctly or what you had intended even if the other person doesn't respond the way that you would like.

4. Be As Specific As Possible..Don't assume that they knew what they did or that they did it intentionally. 

5. What About My Feelings?If you need to address your feelings about the situation begin with using the I statements- I felt, I heard you to say, I may have misunderstood. Also sit down and identify, explore your feelings related to the person and work towards the specific issues today. 

Conflict can be mad constructive, when it is about opportunities to communicate!

How to create a path to your destination!

There are so many choices that we make throughout our day, seemingly so why do we often get a sense that we have little to no determination over our lives. One would assume that in a world where we have so many choices at our finger tips that we would derive from it a sense of mastery or direction?

I do not like GPS, I am not a big fan of being told by anyone what to do much less a voice that is generated through an electronic current. So often I will force my will on traffic patterns meaning that avoid them and i go the ways that i am aware of or instinctly appear correct. All of this to the dismay of my wife who does not enjoy my antics. As I look as the way I handle traffic I can derive a couple of things one is that I avoid conflict, you say how? Well I would rather take the long way and add to my trip than to sit in traffic and be faced with an inability to control the situation. The other point that I derive is that I would rather do what I know than to ask for help, so then the paths I choose fall primarily upon what I know.

As you look at your life, how many thing do you because of habit? Are you satisfied with where you end the day? We make so many choices out of habit and comfort, yet we so often feel that our choices do not make an appreciable improvement in our lives. This sense is because the appearance of choice we typically do what is comfortable which leads us back to the same destination in our lives. The process of changing our habits is very difficult, we developed many of our habits out of cause and effect and they worked at the time to give us a sense of control
and direction. As we look at life and how it and we change, we must understand that the tools of improvement and satisfaction of yesterday maybe more destructive than productive at this time. In my field we talk about praxis which is more or less a feed back cycle so with our world and choices that we make we must be in process of assessment and reassessment of the way we manage our lives, mental health, relationships, and time. The only way that we are going to end up at a destination that offers us a sense of fullfillment is to identify the choices that we make daily that may lead me to the place more closely resembles the place I want to be.

Creating a path different than you are accustomed too is going to take awareness and intentionality, so be prepared. The change may include time management, the way that you think, the patterns of interaction with people around you, and the management of emotional expression.

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Make Yourself a Priority

Make Yourself a Priority

When was the last time you felt that you were in charge of your stress? For many people it has been too long and there is a sense that it was just a brief window of respite before the chaos returned. Think about that window what are the characteristics of that time for you? Do you believe that you can recapture that sense today/ You maybe thinking immediately about your to do list and how this includes the tremendous needs of others with whom you feel responsible for.  So where do you begin to get a sense of manageability.  Typically people say well after I take care of everything on my list then maybe I can then get some peace. Well for many that list is infinite it keeps growing amazingly, despite the efforts to complete it doesn’t stop. Sound familiar? Today I suggest that you make yourself a priority! Do you know that cock-eyed look that dogs give you when you say something they cannot understand, that is often the response that those hard working people give when the suggestion is given to make themselves a priority. I am well aware that people change in a process so maybe it is more reasonable to ask for you to move yourself up the list- maybe not the top yet.  Do this then pay attention to how your sense manageability increases. Anxiety Resolver can prompt you to your own needs  use it to make yourself a priority today.  

Jesus looked at them intently and said, “Humanly speaking, it is impossible. But with God everything is possible.”

Matthew 19:26 

Parenting to Reduce School Anxiety

                                       

                                   

Parenting to Reduce School Anxiety

Preparation prevents reactivity in any situation, so in order to discourage anticipatory anxiety lets get prepared. Leave dialogue open for questions with your child, there are no dumb questions or concerns. Don't be afraid to have conversations with your child, walk them through processes. What are their biggest fears about the new school year? Don't minimize or jump to fix, process the way they are thinking and feeling with them and then move towards offering suggestions. As parents, we often want to fix our children’s problems, but long term the results will be much greater to help them develop the tools to solve their own problems.

·      Use examples from your own life that can help them to know that you were there and you had concerns as well.

·      Start envisioning what success is and pathways to creating that vision. Create this vision with your child, maybe your vision and theirs is not the same so take time to work on it together. The amount of say so that your child has is relative to their age , as they get older give them more voice.  

·      Preparation not pressure- perceived or real doesn't make a difference but most kids who struggle with anxiety suffer from perceived pressure to perform from their parents.

So it is important to begin to distinguish between the 2, by helping the child prepare and then be emotionally supportive by addressing possible struggles before they happen. This may seem like it takes time on the front side but it is well worth it. Their feedback is fundamental to having a working dialogue versus the child accumulating more pressure to perform.

·      Even with planning things don’t always work out. Sometimes Parents believe that if they offer their kids all the information then it should forgo any complications but that just doesn’t hold up. So its how we deal with the setbacks not if they occur.

·      What is your child really saying? Or what are they really asking for? Often children struggle to communicate clearly what they need from us, so what we think and what they are saying that they need maybe all wrong. Take time to pay attention to the clues and step back. When we rush to fix we often miss the forest for the trees. As people we know that in life things don’t always go as planned, so let's help to defuse the frustration by having realistic expectations for ourselves and our children.

These tips can be used in collaboration with Anxiety Resolver the Smartphone app, you can do it with your child to help them develop awareness and healthy coping skills early in life. Its never to early to start teaching children emotional intelligence and great communication skills to help increase the likelihood of healthy developmental formation. 

For more information go to anxietyresolverapp.com or https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/anxiety-resolver/id777678167?mt=8

For questions of comments send emails to: recoveringhopeproject@gmail.com

Am I Anxiety?

AM I ANXIETY?

I think anxiety therefore I am anxiety. This would be a logical conclusion based upon philosophy of Rene Descartes this is part of the problem when it comes to Anxiety.  If we are defined by the culmination of our thoughts and those thoughts are characterized by anxiety does that not mean that we begin to become just that? I know that sounds ridiculous but for anyone that has experienced anxiety- it doesn’t at times feel very far from the truth.  The arenas where we spend our thoughts, energy, and time come to define us. So in order for us to overcome anxiety we must decrease the amount of energy that anxiety gets in our lives so we make intentional steps towards putting our energies towards positive and fruitful ventures that we would like to be defined by. This comes in all types of forms whether that be faith, friendships, relationships, exercise, music, writing, fill in your blank.  How and what do you want to be defined by, I think about how anxiety can remove the role of husband, mother, father, etc if given the power so we must take intentional steps towards planning our energies in the direction of our choosing. Good Luck!

Visit anxietyresolverapp.com or you can purchase Anxietyresolver the smartphone app by following this link httpd://itunes.apple.com/us/app/anxiety-resolver/id777678167?mt=8

Observer-Reporter | Let’s talk about mental health

Observer-Reporter | Let’s talk about mental health

How do my beliefs effect my Anxiety?

In order to understand ourselves we must analyze what we believe about ourselves and the world around us. Do I believe the world to be a typically safe place or do I believe that safety is an illusion that is just waiting to be broken? How about the beliefs about myself and my ability to manage distress do I believe that I am going to fall under the pressure or that I can overcome difficulties? Beliefs by definition are something deeper than physical or psychological phenomenon, they are part of who we are? Where are these beliefs formed about the nature of ourselves and the world around us? Typically these beliefs happen throughout our childhood where the experiences that we have, leave a template for which the world is viewed. This template is not set in stone unless we allow it to be and continue to center our lives through it. What do you believe about yourself and the world around you?  So if I believe the world to be a threatening place then I will notice and address the evidence to that point. We have a tremendous amount of information to sort through on a daily basis so how does all of this information relate to our beliefs our fears? As children we are left to make decisions with limited information, experience, and awareness so if this is where these beliefs were formulated then it would seem a great exercise to re-evaluate some of the beliefs that you have about yourself and see if they are true for you today or whether that template is used because you have based so much upon it. When you were a child it may have made perfect sense and served a purpose, but does it work for you today?  


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